I haven’t been okay.

The fact that I don’t do anything with my emotions has gotten me to this point.

I leave loose ends and then have trouble going back into the tangled mess to tie them.

I have yet to reach closure when it comes to Matt. When Josh turned 21 he spoke drunken words to me. “Today is the day I have officially outlived Matt.” I went into my birthday with thay same thought which is why I didn’t want to do anything. Matt didn’t get to celebrate a 21st birthday.

But I went out thanks to my incredible friends, then I became a little bitch when I had too much to drink. Lexus took care of me and I ose her the world for how much she did for me.

Josh moved. It feels like I havent seen him in ages.

I’ve been spending a lot of time alone, which is alright. But I tend to let my mind wander too much at times.

I graduated from Valencia. It was the most stressful semester ever, mostly because of outside stress. I tried hard to make it a fun semester, and I was, but I pushed a lot aside because I tried to have fun.

I’m pushing a lot aside now. I gotta get into UCF. Can’t slack if I want my doctorate.

The simplest things get pushed aside because I don’t want to do shit. Its not ok, man.

I’m afraid of my emotions, which makes me want to numb them out. I’ve been drinking and smoking more often. I dislike it.

I don’t talk to anyone about any of this because I see my friends going through their own stress. Im there for them, and I ignore the fact that they are there for me. I can’t say no to my friends, and it sometimes stresses me.

I want everyone, including myself, to be happy. So let’s get back to being happy, Dyango.

Fuck typos tho playa, haha. It’s been a long time since you’ve all heard from me huh?

Smile.

WHY THE FUCK AM I SO SAD